Too Late, I Circumcised! Now What?
Question - I live with the deep regret about having my son circumcised. I did not find out the facts until it was too late. What can I do now?
Answer - This is one of the most difficult questions for me to answer because I have three circumcised sons. I believed the doctor who told me circumcision didn't hurt, only took a minute, and would protect my babies from terrible things that would befall them if they weren't circumcised. Many years later, as a nursing student, I witnessed a circumcision, which literally changed the course of my life. Since that day in May 1979, I've done everything I can to end this outdated, harmful practice that has such a profound effect on us all.
Some say I do this work because I feel guilty, but guilt is what you feel after you knowingly do something wrong. That's not it. Mothers consent to circumcision out of the best intentions and the worst kind of ignorance. Circumcision is a cultural practice; most doctors do not provide adequate information to give an informed consent, and no one talks about it, so we don't even know enough to ask the right questions. When we find out what happened to our precious baby behind closed doors, most mothers feel deep regret and profound sorrow.
We can't take back our grievous mistake, but we can do everything in our power to protect our sons in the future. We can apologize to them and end the wounding in our families. When parents become informed, they will spare future sons from the pain and trauma of circumcision. Tell your story to anyone and everyone who will listen. Talking to and giving information to expectant parents to help save other babies from unnecessary surgery and their mothers from the grief we feel will help to transform your pain! Like all mothers, you did the best you could with the information you had at the time. So, be kind to yourself. You didn't know. Now you do. My sons have all forgiven me, and yours will, too.
Blog by Marilyn Fayre Milos, RN
Marilyn Fayre Milos, RN, is the founder and director of the National Organization of Circumcision Information Resource Centers (NOCIRC) and coordinator of the International Symposia on Circumcision, Sexual Mutilations, and Genital Integrity. She is the co-editor of Sexual Mutilations: A Human Tragedy (Plenum 1997), proceedings of the Fourth International Symposium (Universi.... read more
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